I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
