Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
