How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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