Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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