After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize