I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
