dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
