if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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