drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
