A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
