I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
