are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
