I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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