Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
