I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
