Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's like iHOP with fire
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
