i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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