He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
