i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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