they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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