there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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