Will you blow on my dice?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
