hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
