Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
