We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
