i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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