Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm getting married
To pizza
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize