I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sext me about skeletons
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
