he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize