You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
