She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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