you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
