Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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