I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
