The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
