i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
