I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
