I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
