you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
