Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
