i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
