Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
