Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize