Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
