is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
