You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
