I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
