My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
