omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
