please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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