this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
