Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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