Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
