The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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