sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
