happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
