I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
