It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize