Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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