i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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