Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
