No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
