Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
