Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
