Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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