She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
