i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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