I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
