She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
