dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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