if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
