I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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