I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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